I'm not sure if I'm simply doing really well with grandma's passing or if it just hasn't hit me yet. I'm leaning towards just doing well. Logically, I know that her body wasn't going to make it much more- and emotionally, I was able to see her while she was healthy a lot more- especially after she moved in with mom- so I was able to enjoy her towards the end, which I wasn't expecting. I hated seeing her in pain/unhappy and her downhill progression was so fast- the thought of her having to stay in hospice for a long time makes me shiver with... disgust?... I can't seem to find the right tone of word for that sentiment.
I consider grandma a little like myself- she was stubborn, strong-willed, but a care-taker... not a care-getter. The idea of having to be... well, I'd like to be able to use the facilities on my own for the rest of my life... and I know grandma would have hated that, too. [Then again, who wouldn't.]
The service was quite nice. It was a mix of traditional and contemporary- opened with prayer and her pastor speaking, but included about an hour of story telling from people in the audience. The family went first- my mom talked about the last few months of her life, my uncle Jim, cousins Bruce and Joey, myself, my aunt Betty - then a few others- her garden club members, Cecil- who grew up with the family, Bill Andval - also grew up with the fam and was one of my mom's ex-boyfriends from what must seem like a different lifetime!, Don Mallard- on old neighbor, and a few other people I know I'm leaving out.
As I was driving around with mom trying to think of what story I would tell, what experience I would share- I came to realize that I dont have many one-on-one Grandma stories. This unsettled me a little but I realized something so overwhelmingly true and obvious that it was almost overlooked in my mind, a constant in all of our lives with grandma... She made it her priority to create an environment in which the people she loved were able to grow and thrive. Everything about the house that her and grandpa built screamed family and fun. They cleared that land, built the house, and added on as new lives were added to the Maker clan. They added a boat house that a variety of family members used during different stages in their lives.
Grandma made a huge breakfast every morning for generations of her family. She was a caretaker for those who needed it - from the elderly to the injured. She took in/fed stray animals like it was her job. We had an environment built for exploration, personal development, and family strength. We played games as a family after dinner was cleared. We watched TV together. We went on the roof to look at stars, the river, the island, etc- together. We even bird watched or had target practice from the boathouse porch... together. I have so many memories of all of us together having such a great time.
She gave away everything she had- and that's not an understatement. From money to time, she was always making sure others were well. Her time was for reading after the kids were asleep or the garden club/gardening in our yard. Grandpa built such a beautiful greenhouse for her at home and she had a gorgeous yard. Flowers, trees, greenery, and fig trees.
There's so much- I hope to be able to write down some of the stories before people start forgetting.
My cousin Bruce- grandma's sixth "son"- as most everyone at the funeral agreed, wrote the most beautiful statement. I've included it here (hope you dont mind, Brudy) because it was so touching, raw, and so defining of who she was.
"Ive read that unconditional love is important to a person’s growth as a functioning and happy adult. Knowing someone loves you all the way, unconditionally and how that will never change. A child needs this.
I always knew that my grandmother loved me unconditionally. She told me I was smart. She told me I was handsome. She spanked me on the butt when I needed it. She cried at my terrible 16 year old poetry. She always took my side when people were against me. She was so in tune with my emotions at times I felt like she could read my mind.
As I grew older I began to search out my own answers to life. Of course I separated from some of her beliefs. I realized every mentor and adult I grew up with was human and trying to figure things out too.
Yet I never forgot what she did for me. She helped me to become an adult by offering herself 100% to me as a child. She was the textbook definition of what all good parents are. My structure, my disciplinarian, my safe harbor and my biggest fan.
And it wasn’t just me that she gave so much to. I watched her nurse numerous people to a peaceful passing in that same room in the old house on Lakeside Drive. I never quite understood why anyone would want to take on those burdens… but few people are as selfless as she was.
So I owe a lot of my development to her. I know many people here have been touched deeply by her too. I look forward to hearing new stories and insights from the people here today.
Her passing should be a reminder to us all. Life is short. Very very short. (avging 28,000 days give or take). I had a philosophy professor say that he believes he became an adult when he lost his brother. He said he started making decisions with the understanding that his time is limited. That stuck with me.
And I believe the real meaning lies in the relationships with the people around you. Your family. Your friends. Your neighbors. We’re all in this together and trying to figure it out too. Because of my grandmother I think I have a more clear picture of what life is about. Its loving something more than you love yourself. Its giving your energy and time selflessly to the people you care about. Its savoring those moments with the understanding that they are limited.
So while I am sad she is gone, I know that she is free from the earthly body that she was bound to. She has taken that next step into a place that none of us can say we understand with certainty. But I believe that someone who has loved and given of themselves to so many like she did has absolutely nothing to fear. Thanks Grandma, we love you and we’ll see you soon."
I'm so thankful to be a part of a family so based on wonderful people and strong character. While we're all sad that grandma left us, it's a sadness of selfishness- for we miss her character and presence while knowing that her vessel was decrepit and her soul ready to depart. We instinctively know that she goes to a better place to be with a husband to whom she dedicated 56-years... would have been more but his body gave out early. Now we know that the sorrow she carried from his death is alleviated, that she knew each of her children are well enough to no longer require her presence, and that she looks towards the future with a freedom we can only imagine.
The impact she left on people was clear from the stories told at her funeral. I can only hope to do as well a job myself.
