Grandma

My grandmother passed away last night.
It's not like we weren't expecting it. On Sunday when I got home, she was severely dehydrated. We would have taken her to the ER right then but we had a doctor's appt the next morning so we waited. The next day her doc did an EKG and then admitted her to the hospital to give IV fluids and food, etc. She was having so much trouble swallowing that she couldn't take in enough food/supplements to right the wrong, so to speak. Her body was truly failing her. We also discovered that she had breast and most likely bone marrow cancer, causing her platelets, red blood cells, and white blood cell counts to be incredibly low... loosely translated that leads to bruising/blood loss, anemia and decreased oxygen availability, and infections respectively- all of which she was suffering from.

We put her on hospice and that was a fantastic experience, I'm surprised to say. The nurses were wonderful, they got everything we needed to us ON THANKSGIVING to make sure that we were taken care of when there were no real docs available. They helped my mom out immeasurably.

It's interesting to think about grandma's life. The changes she's seen - technology from the 20's to now, her family grow and grow- from 5 kids to 7 grand-kids to several great-grandchildren. The changes in human rights, women's rights, multiple wars, her son being drafted, the death of her husband, of her friends. She helped grandpa build their own home- how many people can say that now? She was the ultimate care-giver, taking care of my great-grandmother, great aunt and a few others for years when they were elderly, my aunt when she was injured, Bruce when he needed her. Huge breakfasts, Farkel around the dinner table... she even put up with a million gerbils. She watched the river she loved and built her life on become a polluted, filthy nastiness and the city they settled in become a ghetto. I feel like I should be taking pictures of the world around me- noting the important events, the cultural norms. The family relationships. I wanted more than anything to collect stories from our family, but that failed miserably... mom was the only person to even respond... with anything, let alone a story. I want to be able to tell my kids about my family- since I'm not sure when I'll get to have them and who will still be around. It's funny how true the cliche statement is that when you're young, you can't wait for time to fly by and when you're old, you can't seem to stop it.

My biggest fear is that once all of this is over, and mom is alone again, it will hit her like a train head-on. Which will happen. Both of us are kind of like that... me especially. Great at seeming normal, seeming ok- keeping busy while everyone is around. Then losing it when alone. Then again, for me- that's the only time I feel comfortable grieving.

I also worry about Brudy. Grandma was his stability, his adoptive parent. And as he and I are in the same predicament here- the only grandparent we have left, on the only side of the family that we have has just passed on. Family has always been one of my biggest fears- losing them, that is. It's amazing how a set of people- with really the only thing tying them being blood- can come together, stay aligned for life, and be so much to each other. I love how much that means to me in so many ways. To reach out and affect someone so strongly, to have my heart go out for them and to feel so comfortable and at peace with them. I truly love my family. I always grew up around more friends- friends were my day-to-day family for most of my life. The ones that have stuck with me have the same feel to them, the same peace. If it weren't for these people, arranged sporadically throughout my life, I'm not sure I'd feel the same about everything.

I'm not really sure what else to say. I'm so stuck in Lubbock that I can't be there for mom. So please call her, make sure she knows she's supported. This medical school thing is really cramping my style right now.

Neuro & Chicago

We're finally done with Neuro and starting Systemic Pathology. In recognition of how AWFUL Neuro was, I went on vacation to Chicago.

I ended up having a lot of stress in Neuro- it was actually the first time I've experienced true test anxiety. Now, most of my peers would scoff at this. We've taken tests to get into medical school, to make it to second year, to have gotten this far. But- I have to say that most of those tests have not caused me to feel anxious. I'm not sure if I just didnt feel prepared or what but needless to say, it wasn't pleasant. I ended up doing pretty well- and I'm happy to say that it is completely over and I'm into the next step in Year 2 of medical school.

In celebration of Neuro ending, I went to go visit my dear friend Liz. I've known Lizzy since 3rd grade. We were lucky enough to have each other through the long after school hours of our mom's both being elementary school teachers, years of Tae Kwon Do class and tournaments, growing apart in high school, then finding each other to be great friends again during college. I've literally known Liz for most of my life (and I consider this a good thing :)). She recently moved to Chicago for graduate school- she's so strong/intelligent... I look up to her a great deal. Not only did I get to see her, I was able to get a glimpse into her life- her friends, her home, etc. To compare the Liz from 3rd grade to the Liz of now is just a fun memory exercise, as well as an interesting look into the human ability to grow. Basically, I loves her.

I also loved Chicago. It was a big culture shock going from Lubbock to Chicago... flat, dry, and brown to city parks, 40+ story buildings, and - my personal favorite - public transit!
The first night was spent with friends celebrating my favorite holiday, Halloween. Between the apple cider, pumpkin beer, jack-o-lantern carving, and toasted pumpkin seeds... I was in heaven (the company was great as well!).

Liz and I spent some quality time on Sunday- shopping in Wicker Park... a very Austiny part of Chicago. We went to bookstores, clothes shopping, Indian food for dinner, and a healthy dose of street art! We also went to the "Not a Spy" shop, I bought new boots, and we thoroughly enjoyed walking around pretty much everywhere, something that rarely happens in TX. I miss big city.

On Monday I was on my own... I started the morning with an amazing cup of coffee and a stroll through the well known Lincoln Park! Liz lives about a block from the actual park- so I was able so spend some time going to the conservatory, the zoo (polar bears and jaguars!!), and walking around the park. Some of Liz's friends- two wonderful people- came to pick me up and go to Millenium Park (the shiny thing!) and The Art Institute of Chicago. Let's just say, I've officially seen Monet and Van Gogh - and it was AMAZING. Highly recommend. We met up with Liz and her man Steve to do walk down the Chicago riverwalk, to see a giant Marilyn Monroe, and a building studded with stones from around the world- Notre Dame, The Great Wall, The Alamo! It was quite fantastic.

On my last day there- I had a decision to make- Planetarium or Aquarium. For those of you who know me well, this was a VERY tough decision for me... I ended up going to the Aquarium (surprise!) and saw beluga wales and dolphins and it was a lovely aquarium! As per my usual, I still love aquariums. I got to touch a starfish... me and the other 6 year olds.

Anyways- it was a great trip. I love Chicago. I took public transit from the airport to Liz's. Loved it.

Back to Lubbock:
-The Public Health Dept will not be split up- this was a big win for us- but they challenged us to find funding/a new building/and a few other vital things to the PHD's unity. I personally don't think it's our job, but if we dont- it wont get done. So- we're going to keep working with the City Council to attempt to maintain what we've won thus far. Score!
-Systems has started- I got sick for a full week. I was a witch for Halloween for the Pediatric unit carnival... this ended in me catching Viral Gastroenteritis from one of the kids. This = me sick for 24 hours and then 3 days of sleeping on my couch. Rescheduled my test... then got sick the night before retaking the test that I rescheduled because I was sick. Ugh. I ended up just taking it and did fine. I so rarely get sick... this is a look into my new life. Constant exposure to pathogens. Time to get my immune system in high gear!


Happy note - I LEAVE FOR NEW ORLEANS tomorrow morning for medical student section of American Medical Association... I'm VP of Texas Medical Association and AMA so we're going to vote on resolutions that other students have put together for AMA to pick up as lobbying positions. And- we're staying an extra day to explore New Orleans a little bit... wish I could stay there longer also. I'm in the mood to travel. Too bad I'm poor.