I've waited too long....

Wow. So it's been forever... My birthday, Thanksgiving, etc...
So here's the deal- My birthday was great, amazing actually and I had a wonderful time. I truly have the best friends and I love you all dearly!
Thanksgiving...
My family set the turkey on fire. Biggest grease fire I've ever seen. The flames reached the CEILING. Thank God that wall is solid brick.
So the fire dept came to the house- happy thanksgiving- and they brought this thermal imaging thing- so as soon as we all knew we were safe, we all got to play with their heat gun! After a Ham dinner, we lost my grandmother for a good 20 minutes (she was outside raking the leaves) and spent the day riding one of the younger cousins scooters down the driveway, jumping the curb, and tumbling in to the grass- trying not to roll straight into the lake. Overall it was one of the best Thanksgivings we've had. Honestly, it was probably just because my cousing Wendy wasn't there.
So after all the family left, Friday night was Dallas friends night. Everyone who was in the area- Liz, Paul, Dez, and Daniel all went to dinner at Campizi's? and then to lower greenville for some good ol' fashioned drinking.
The next day, I went out to eat with Ruth- who is still adorable and then to a Dallas Mavericks game- which I've actually never been to... truthfully I've never seen a live basketball game so- it was fun. Nancy and Jon came with me- quite an enjoyable night...
I got to see my beautiful god-daughter who has managed to grown another 2 inches since I last saw her and who now recognizes me immediately- which I find quite nice.
This past weekend was also quite fun- I went to a sex toys party- I bought body spray and -yes- that is really all I bought. It was so much fun- there was a fountain of chocolate. LITERALLY. The next night I went to a party at a friends friends- you know, the usually really boring, can we leave now type of parties- but I had fun. Dez is trying to get me to not push guys away. She was giving me cues all night. I'm like- really... do you think this guys worth it? It's hillarious to me how practical I am in some situations.
So I'm putting in a ton of picture to catch everybody up. THey're all at the end, and out of order, but you should be able to figure out some of them... like the fire truck pic... Love you all.

MCAT RESULTS!

So I just got my MCAT results in... I made a 25. Not that bad- not that great. I can do better :) I made a FIVE on the bio section! I could have GUESSED and done better... but considering the fact that there were 2 passages on microbiology... a class I hadn't taken... I hope to do a lot better next time. I made an 11 on the physical sciences section- yay- and a 9 on the verbal section... the section that i fell asleep in. I FELL ASLEEP during the MCAT and STILL did better on that section than the bio section. geez.
Mom was right- I didn't study enough. well shit.
good thing I put applying to schools off for a bit :) because that had absolutely nothing to do with my ability to procrastinate... nope, that was just me knowing myself that well. oh yes.

OU sucks...

Actually, we didn't play all that well either the first half. Thank goodness for random moments of greatness that ended up pumping us up and giving us that little something extra to help us beat OU!
It was amazing- a sea of orange- absolutely crazy. I have to say though, my favorite part of the whole thing was the carnival :) I love carnivals! We got to ride the flying swing things- you know where you all sit in swings facing the same direction and it lifts up and spins as if you were a ball on a string being swung around someone's head... a classic carnie ride. I wanted to do the bumber cars, the fun house, and the haunted house... but it didn't work out. I even ate a corndog. Laura got funnel cake and cotton candy. Darrell won me an adorbale teddy bear- thank god for roommates- as I was the only single person in the group. shoot me.
Going home was one of the single best times I've had this year. Everyone got to meet both Shane, Matt, and Katie & Brooke. I actually felt very comfortable at home and was able to share that positive side with everybody. Dad came up once in a conversation about why it's hard for me to go home... as if there would be any other reason that had more weight than that.
Matt and I got the chance to talk- to catch up on being the really good friends that we at one point were. It was nice to have him around, that's for sure.
Then there's shane. Shane was extremely tired- probably could have passed out at any point during dinner/driving/drinking... amazingly, he made it all the way to the end before passing out on the couch. I really don't know how he does it- they're both amazingly hard workers. They sure do know how to make you feel like a lazy bum :)
And then after shane passed out- christina came in and spoke with sierra and I... actually she just stood there for about 5 minutes until sierra and I pressed her to tell us what was wrong. I feel like she's lonely. She needs more good friends, poor thing.
Brooke is absolutely adorable. She still smiles if you tell her to show you her grill and she fell very quickly for dear Darrell. She couldn't stop staring at him! It was so funny :) That's my girl... just be good until your 30. that way i wont have to take a bitch out. I mean, I am The Godmother.
Anyways- the point is, overall the weekend went very well. Then I came back and had the single most UNPRODUCTIVE WEEK EVER.
Yep- it was that bad.

So now I'm bummed, stressed, and trying to work hard... I sure do study more than any of my friends. And I dont actually have a roommate anymore- but that's probably a good thing- more time to study.

Oh- and micro lab sucks. it's a ONE HOUR LAB who's teacher is deluded- she seems to think that its a 10 hour lab. Someone should really send her a memo... or shoot her. you know, whatever.


:)

I'm disappointed...

in myself.

School sucks this semester.

relationships.

So it seems that everyone I know is in a relationship. Or at least, in and out of them. Sierra and Darrell are now an item- that's right ya'll- they are together. And it's really cute. I have to admit, I did NOT see that one happening ever if you'd have asked me a year or two ago. But now... now it fits. So I'm happy for you two. Congrats.
Now back to me :)
Is it normal that I'm so ok with not being in a relationship? I mean, I'm not even playing the field. I'm just me and I don't work for it and I don't push for it... partly due to some innate characteristics within myself and partly because I don't see why I should have to. But I look around and everyone has someone! Everyone has a significant other. I have to say- it's starting to make me miss being in a relationship- but I don't want to want a relationship-I want to want a person. And I've only met one or two people that I would be interested in, and let's just say neither of those worked out... and I was ok with that. I can't remember feeling passionate about someone in quite some time. ISNT THAT WEIRD!?!! I mean, I dont even get crushes. seriously. what's going on.

Anyways- on to discussing this past weekend. So the UT Women's Rugby team went to Norman, Oklahoma this past weekend for a tournament called the War of the Roses. We played really well- even though we lost both games. The other teams were well established and our team was basically all new - so I was really proud when we didn't get slaughtered! We actually did really well. What sucked was that we only took 15 people (ie, one team with no subs) and we had people getting hurt left and right (like me). Luckily for us, rugby people are very nice and other teams were willing to "whore" themselves out to us. So not only did we have subs, but we even had our rivals playing for our team :) it was very fun to say the least... oh well, until SIERRA took a knee to the head and ended up passing out for a second then not being able to stand and I had to rush her to the ER (by way of wrong directions and a minor medical center that wouldn't treat us). I was a little panicky I have to admit- but it's always really scary when it's a head trauma and the person is acting all funny/weird/different because of it. **she's fine by the way- just a concussion** I only got to play like 10 minutes because of my ankle- since I hurt in it practice on Thursday, when someone sat on it at the game, I was out for the day. I was SOOO MAD! but, it's better to tend my wound than play on it- or at least, that's why Rocky (my coach) wouldn't let me play anymore.
The roadtrip there was awesome- the first thing that happened after we had picked everyone up was that Ana almost backed right into me. great way to start a trip if I do say so myself.

After the tournament I went to shane's place so that I could rest/recover/shower and see my mom, shane, and christina. I now have lots of pens thanks to a Sam's visit and shane put me on the account! yay! so sam's trips are on me guys! (do we have a sam's in austin?)

Anyways- now I have to work really hard to finish up a bunch of stuff before thursday.

I've had a range of emotions go through my head recently- both positive and negative. I'd write about them, but they are so fleeting that they're not worth referring to.
Maybe next time.


Back to work.

ay dios mio...

So I shoulnt be doing this because I have three tests next week and I didnt study like I was supposed to but... Friday was awesome :)
Thank you Laura and Jon for having an awesome party- that I had a blast at. I hope that your house and everything survived and I hope that your recovery went well :) Anyways- So it was a pirate party- we all dressed as pirates... and as a summary, w
e all got drunk, had sword fights, and said arghhh! a lot. Then someone gave me a sharpie and I proceeded to give everyone drunk enough to let me write on them sharpie tattoos on their necks. Sierra had to go to work with the word SEXY on her jaw line. We decided, at least it wasnt a penis. Sierra and I also spent a significant amount of time laughing at the pervert that Darrell has become :) I mean, he will tell a dirty joke just like the rest of them! And we love you all the more for it, D.
SOooo Laura also pushed me on the ground and made me split my $.75 pirate pants right down the butt, broke my sword, and crawled on the floor in her room with me- we were looking on the floor for my skull-necklace. Then Dave pushed me into the hookah and made me burn my finger- which actually is a pretty bad burn now- but dont worry, all the nerve endings are dead and I cant feel it :)
Anyways- I had a very enjoyable time at the party. We had a bit to drink, we all acted like dumbasses (as a collective group as well as individually), and I think every single one of us ended up with my initials on a body part in sharpie. It just doesnt get better than that.

Saturday was a wasted day- laundry etc. and Sunday has been a study day (except for the fact that I woke up at 12 so I havent actually studied all that much.
So friday was the light of my weekend- that and the beautiful storm yesterday :)

money money money..... money.

So yesterday was a good day. And by good, I mean that I spent like 50 bucks yesterday. Sierra and I went to Book People- which is my favorite place ever, and I bought a book by the Dalai Lama about the convergence of science and spirituality. It's called The Universe in a Single Atom and I'm really excited about it. Unfortunately, my government class assigns a book a week and I don't have time to read it yet. yay for gov.
Anyways- I also bought these little bells on a string- a little cooler than that, but thats what it is- for really cheap that are beautiful sounding and some bangle bracelets for a $1.
THEN- we went to the 6th street Central Market for lunch. I had never been there before and I felt so overwhelmed. It's like going to walmart when all you need is bread- there is so much to look at and so many options that you end up spending a ridiculous amount of money on something that should have been like 5$, in the case of the bread example- more like $1.
I did laundry over at sierras for 6 HOURS becuase their dryer takes an hour and a half to dry stuff. I watched this movie- Hide and Seek- talk about freaky. I still want to see the Exorcism of Emily Rose though. But I got to do my laundry for free and watch a movie while hanging out with my dog. Not too shabby.
THEN we went to Dirty Martin's for hamburgers and I spent even more money. Dirty Martin's is.......... greasy. It's not great. It's not even really good. It's just ok. And really really really greasy. I haven't eaten that badly in a long time.
So the point is...Yesterday drained me dry! But it was a really fun day. I got to hang out with rugger. I really did do some studying and to top it all off I got to hang out with really interesting people, bought a very me book, and ate lunch at a really unique/busy place. Overall, I think I did well.
I actually got to talk to Sierra yesterday too. Really talk- about how she was doing, relationships, school, the future- you know, all the stuff you need to catch up on when you haven't seen someone in a while. I really did miss having her as a friend- I just wish none of that bad stuff would have happened. But then again, it did make me realize what kind of person another then-friend of mine was, so I gained valuable experience from the whole situation. Like to NEVER go out of your way (especially when it involves money) for people because they are usually just going to take advantage of it. (Liz, you are excluded from this rule due to the fact that I've known you for over a decade... and I know where your parents live.)
So anyways- I have to go study now. Because I'm stupid and I took 16 hours.

ugh.

I have felt so drained lately. Something about the way people are in general and something about the way I let them get under my skin. Like Gabby's friends who suck, or my uncle who think's I'm ridiculous for NOT being racist/prejudice, or really rude people in general. It just sucks me dry and one day I look up and I feel like I'm heartbroken and I don't know why.

Other than that today was a pretty decent day. Last night, too. Sierra came over and I made a vegetarian meal for us- and it was excellent. We spent about 2 more hours together before deciding we should definitely go get some ice cream- a treat Darrell was unable to resist coming with us to. Let me just say- I 100% recommend getting the banana pudding flavored ice cream at Amy's. It is SOOOOO RIDICULOUSLY GOOD. We had a really good night and Sierra did something that really surprised me... she paid me back her third of the deposit from that house we all lived in. I dont know why for sure, but I'm really happy she did. I wanted to say no- keep it, it's not important anymore... but the truth is it was important and she did owe it to me and it was very decent of her to do so. Just makes me like her even more. We took Rugger to Amy's too and I think he really enjoyed the banana pudding ice cream too. Darrell and I have discovered he also likes grapes, lettuce, tomatoes, MY FREAKING CRACKERS, shredded carrots, and those chocolatey peanut butter things D makes all the time. He does not however like raw potatoes. He also dreams in his sleep- I think he might actually dream about fighting someone for room on the bed because somehow he always manages to push me to the very edge (and then I wake up the next morning on the VERY edge... and he moved to the ground- punk). AND- he has found a new favorite contact sport. It's called "step on Darrell's nuts" and Rugger loves it so much- he does it at least once a day. I think it's hillarious. D does not enjoy it all that much.

Found out today that danielle is in my human sex class. I still don't really know what to think of her. I don't feel the urge to ever be around or near her- but when I am I just cant be mean. I think I'm just not that type of person. Overt anger is beyond me I guess... I'll just have to settle for passive aggressivity.

:)

http://raedinthemiddle.blogspot.com/


I have more but I dont have time to write it yet.

pre-school.

So today was the first day of school. Not too bad. I'm taking 16 hours this semester and next so that I can attempt to graduate on time and I've been filling out Medical school applications for hours and my eyes hurt and somehow doing that made me sick. Dont ask me how, I dont know. I have to write an essay about why I want to go into medicine. That is the hardest decision I've ever had to make- to choose Med school over children's psych or teaching or anything else I've ever wanted to do. Soooo, now I have to put how I feel into words and to be honest, I'm not sure how I feel- typical me. But I do know that I would be great at this. This one job is meant for me. I mean, I could do anything and be happy... but this job... I'm meant for this job.
So anyways, two days before school started my friend Michelle and I went for a little kayaking adventure. It just happened that we chose the one day in the history of Texas summer's that it got windy, cold, and rainy to go- which wasn't that bad part. The bad/crazy part was that the wind was blowing so hard we were freaking fighting rapids on town lake. It was absolutely hillarious. But by God, wind in our faces and courage in our hearts, we paddled down to Red Bud Isle and then turned back and spit in fear's face! Just kidding- we actually just floated lazily back to where we rented the kayaks, using the paddles to hook our two kayaks together while we dipped our cute little toes into the water and talked about school and the future. Michelle is a great girl and I'm glad I asked her to go. Anyways- since today's classes were so incredibly boring, I will not ruin such a good post with them. Maybe tomorrow with be better- I have Human Sex and Family Violence on the same day :)

oh yeah...

and this one is for Gabster- if she ever looks at this.
Thanks for a great day and a sunburn :)
Gregory is like a resort. The pool is just so beautiful and people go out there just to lay out and sun tan. It's crazy.
PS- i love the bathing suit, so dont fret about it.

fun days...

I had to post about tonight. First, I finished correcting my drapes. They now have a lacey stripe towards the bottom- they line up, are hemmed, and while I did in fact make a few mistakes... I got my sewing machine to work great. Second, went to Conan's Pizza for dinner with Jon, Laura, and Dave- then to the TKE party where I quickly remembered why I don't like frat parties, especially ones where my friend is the president of the frat but he doesnt have time to hang out. So we left and started walking down the drag! We went to this great bar- I think its called Lonestars? Next to the Taos Co-op. Anyways, we played darts (which I apparently am horrible at) and drank a pitcher of Fireman's 4. This appears to be laura's new favorite beer because she always wants it :) Anyways, everyone proceeded to kick my ass at darts- I was the only one to NOT get a bullseye- but we had some damn good fun everytime I hit the blue board or my darts bounced off the board. Laura's didnt just bounce off- they stuck straight up out of the ground. good times. Then we went to that Morroccan place- Kazbah?- and it was freaking awesome. We tried 1/2 of all of their deserts, which were all good, and enjoyed sitting so low to the ground that it was really hard to get up. Also, I love morroccan decor and they are planning on opening a morroccan furniture place above the coffee shop/hookah bar. So we looked at the hookah's and I decided to try it- but since Dave had one at the apartment- we walked back there! The hookah was... not what i was expecting but fun and worth the experience. Other than feeling like if I ran, I would hyperventilate, I didnt get anything out of it- but still.
So anyways- I have detailed this night because I dont want to forget it- so if you dont like it, I dont care because its for ME! ;)
AND Rugger was a good boy when I got home. It just doesnt get any better. Well, we could have gone swimming and I could have had an enjoyable date to go with us. But other than that- no better.
I can't believe school starts on Wed. I'm a senior. IN COLLEGE. I'll be in Med school (if i get my stuff together!) in a year. ONE YEAR.
Enough. Enjoy your days everyone!

the few and far between

So most of this summer there have been a few special people who have graced me with their presence. No joke- on the days when we couldn't hang out, I really just didn't know what to do. They filled my summer with fun times at the dog parks and took care of Rugger when I really needed them to. It's great to have people who love you and your dog and are more than willing to spend time with you... or in some cases, your dog. They are truly the best and I'm sorry to say, pictures of them on my blog are also few and far between. So here's my dedication page to the great Jon and Laura who's lives have intermingled with mine to a point of indescrimination.


Thank you, my time-share dog owners... I owe you guys.

friends.

I am such a lucky person. I haven't found the one person I love and I'm not quite what I want to be yet... but I am surrounded by people that truly care about me. I'm out of that stage where I'm surrounded by losers and people who just drain my soul. I've finally found people that I can really share myself with and express my true humor and feelings with, even though I usually dont on the feeling side of that comment. Gabby is one of the best people I know and to top it off, she's so damn beautiful. Darrell, even though sometimes I just want to strangle him :), is a great guy and a great friend and is still a great roommate. Every time I go back to Dallas, Katie welcomes me with conversations that seem like I never left. Shane does things for me that no one else would- like spending a ridiculous amount of money on fixing my car up for me because he's proud of me. The only thing missing from my life is my dad. I mean- I know he's like-looking down on me- or however you want to refer to the idea that he's still with me. But it's just not nor ever will it be the same as having that amazing person there to support me. I know he'd be proud, but I can't help but hate it when I forget how he smelled or his mannerisms. It's tough. Going on 4 years this coming January.

Anyways, today Gabby came over and I made baked potato gnocci with ricotta and spinach. For desert they had brownies... it all turned out good- but we have lots of wine left over so if anyone reads this and wants to come over... tomorrow is baked ziti night. We're trying to finish off the wine :)

wow.

So I took my real MCAT on saturday- I get the results in 60 days... I'm not sure how I did, but I'm not feeling very confident as of now so I guess we'll see.

I did however have some positive things occur- I was able to see my god-daughter, hang out with some old friends, and spend time with my mom up at her school. Second graders are... loud.
So here are some pics of my time well spent.




She's supposed to get her traech out soon- she has to be able to sleep through the entire night without extra oxygen before they'll remove it. She's down to almost room air and hopefully in a few months she will be going in to get it removed- ideally. You just have to love that little girl- even when she's cranky and tired she's still cute as a button! I think Katie gets mad because I come over to see the baby and I dont spend time with her :) But she's just so damn cute! How could I not?? I mean really, a kid that already knows gross anatomy?? nose, ears, eyes, her grill... thats right everyone- she knows that her teeth are her grill. interesting to say the least.

Anyways- have a great day all.

MCAT scores...

So I took my fourth practice MCAT and guess what... I made a 26. I'm actually very happy with that considering I havent been studying because I'm a huge procrastinator. Sooo- now I'm super motivated and I'm planning on really getting down to it and studying as much as I can over the next two weeks- I take my real one on the 19... Med school... here I come.

I just cant believe it. I'm really excited.

ambivalence.

So. I'm having trouble pinning down my future. Medical school now? Medical school later and EMT service now? Social service? Psychology? What is it that I realllly want to do? I just dont know anymore.
I feel like- I can do anything. But I cant. If i'm not willing to work for it- then I can't do it. It's just another excuse I feel like. Another chance for me to procrastinate.

I just dont know what I'm doing.

results.

So, I finally broke the ice with mom and had a long discussion about why I thought her boyfriend was a bad match with her. She listened, was open, and in the end expressed that she was having reservations about their relationship. She gave me a few examples of why she knew it wouldn't work. An example that included her speaking with one of my dad's friend on the cell phone- Allan- who is calm, tranquil, and gentle. She said that the difference between the two men was extreme. Allan was there, talking quietly, asking her about how her life was panning out and in the back ground is her new boyfriend- yelling into the phone, causing a scene. She said right then and there she knew he would only bring drama and upheaval into her life.
So she called me last night at 11:30pm and she had broken up with him. She did it. Talk about immediate results. I guess her own reservations were stronger than I thought they were. It appears that none of mom's friends ever told her about their fears and so she just kept her reservations to herself. Another reason why communication is vital.

On a less than happy note, Bekah- my supposed to be future roommate calls me today and says- guess what? I just signed a lease. I'm like ummm what?
First, we're supposed to move into a 2 bedroom but it wasnt that pretty- this one I understand. Then we find a better two bedroom, but she's decided to move to a different school in december and there's no way I could afford that place on my own. So I finally decide to go find a one/one and if it has a study/loft that would be perfect b/c she could stay there. So I find one in west campus that's perfect. Now, 11 days before we're supposed to move in- "guess what! I signed a lease with someone else! yay!".
I swear- I dont know where I find these people. They like, hunt me down and screw me over. I'm just glad I noticed the pattern and picked a place that I could afford on my own- and now Darrell is going to live with me- so not only do I have a reliable person, but a great friend. Thank god for Darrell!





You know, I really miss the good old days though. I miss having Austin as a good friend, someone close to me, someone who spends time with me. I miss having Austin as a friend. Its too bad you know-finding someone that you really like- someone you really feel you can be great friends with- but when you move out, the friendship just slowly unravels- which is hearbraking because of how close you had been. I mean, when you have a friend that you spend every day with for a year- thats hard to loose. It's too bad really- because I know we're still friends, and we'll hang out, but it will never quite be the same. Too bad.