It's not like we weren't expecting it. On Sunday when I got home, she was severely dehydrated. We would have taken her to the ER right then but we had a doctor's appt the next morning so we waited. The next day her doc did an EKG and then admitted her to the hospital to give IV fluids and food, etc. She was having so much trouble swallowing that she couldn't take in enough food/supplements to right the wrong, so to speak. Her body was truly failing her. We also discovered that she had breast and most likely bone marrow cancer, causing her platelets, red blood cells, and white blood cell counts to be incredibly low... loosely translated that leads to bruising/blood loss, anemia and decreased oxygen availability, and infections respectively- all of which she was suffering from.
We put her on hospice and that was a fantastic experience, I'm surprised to say. The nurses were wonderful, they got everything we needed to us ON THANKSGIVING to make sure that we were taken care of when there were no real docs available. They helped my mom out immeasurably.
It's interesting to think about grandma's life. The changes she's seen - technology from the 20's to now, her family grow and grow- from 5 kids to 7 grand-kids to several great-grandchildren. The changes in human rights, women's rights, multiple wars, her son being drafted, the death of her husband, of her friends. She helped grandpa build their own home- how many people can say that now? She was the ultimate care-giver, taking care of my great-grandmother, great aunt and a few others for years when they were elderly, my aunt when she was injured, Bruce when he needed her. Huge breakfasts, Farkel around the dinner table... she even put up with a million gerbils. She watched the river she loved and built her life on become a polluted, filthy nastiness and the city they settled in become a ghetto. I feel like I should be taking pictures of the world around me- noting the important events, the cultural norms. The family relationships. I wanted more than anything to collect stories from our family, but that failed miserably... mom was the only person to even respond... with anything, let alone a story. I want to be able to tell my kids about my family- since I'm not sure when I'll get to have them and who will still be around. It's funny how true the cliche statement is that when you're young, you can't wait for time to fly by and when you're old, you can't seem to stop it.
My biggest fear is that once all of this is over, and mom is alone again, it will hit her like a train head-on. Which will happen. Both of us are kind of like that... me especially. Great at seeming normal, seeming ok- keeping busy while everyone is around. Then losing it when alone. Then again, for me- that's the only time I feel comfortable grieving.
I also worry about Brudy. Grandma was his stability, his adoptive parent. And as he and I are in the same predicament here- the only grandparent we have left, on the only side of the family that we have has just passed on. Family has always been one of my biggest fears- losing them, that is. It's amazing how a set of people- with really the only thing tying them being blood- can come together, stay aligned for life, and be so much to each other. I love how much that means to me in so many ways. To reach out and affect someone so strongly, to have my heart go out for them and to feel so comfortable and at peace with them. I truly love my family. I always grew up around more friends- friends were my day-to-day family for most of my life. The ones that have stuck with me have the same feel to them, the same peace. If it weren't for these people, arranged sporadically throughout my life, I'm not sure I'd feel the same about everything.
I'm not really sure what else to say. I'm so stuck in Lubbock that I can't be there for mom. So please call her, make sure she knows she's supported. This medical school thing is really cramping my style right now.
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