The last year has been one of such growth for me as a person; I got married to the beautiful Dalila, I became a more confident family physician, I started working on my own personal health.
And in the wake of the beginning of a new decade, this novel virus - this brand new organism in human lives- slowly began spreading. We suspect as a medical community it likely started a few months ago- in 2019. The first case in WA, my new home, was 1/15/2020. We know it's basically endemic at this point in mid-March and we are waiting for the explosion of respiratory cases to hit the hospitals.
On a FB board for MD's, several of my NYC peers are comparing it to being at the hospital waiting for survivors to be brought in after 9/11. The anxiety, the fear, the unknown. For them, the grief of no one ever arriving because of the total destruction of life... a trauma that likely also reinforces their fear now. I had never heard these stories - the stories of the people who take care of the mass casualties, the lingering emotional trauma.
We as a profession are dedicated to life, to health. We are functioning in a system that is far from being at its best. No one knows that more than a burned out physician, an underpaid nurse or even the registration person who barely gets a mask. And yet, we continue to love our patients, show up daily, feel the strength and bond of our medical community as a alliance, a fellowship in times of emergency. That is the most beautiful part for me. Hearing from people who weathered the storm of medical school and residency with me at Texas Tech all week as we prepare for the unknown - knowing that they care, not just about what to do to save as many lives as possible, but about me personally and my health and family... I cannot tell you what it feels like to have that history and that collegiality as a bond. And the most beautiful part -- it crosses borders. Seeing the Chinese, South Korean, and Italian doctors reach out through FB, the media, published articles, online resources.... desperately trying to prepare the rest of the world with info they did not have, with help they did not get... It's a beautiful truth about medicine that we need to reinvigorate and invest in more. Something that humanity as a whole should invest in more.
As for the pandemic, Italy is losing >300 people a day at this point. A day. People's family members. It's not fair. It's not right. I hate it. I want to hit it with my fists and scratch my nails down it's face. I want to protect our people from it... our poor, American elderly who already fight social isolation and poor food and un-stimulating nursing homes, the powerless... they don't deserve what is coming and it makes me cry angry, frustrated tears. My patients who I think about after work, on weekends, at holidays... not having visitors and struggling to get groceries. What are they doing right now? How will they survive?
I'm scared for my peers. Young physicians with no co-morbidities who are being intubated, who we're fighting to save. I'm scared for me.
But I'm also beyond proud - of the physicians, scientists, NP/PA, nurses, LPN, MA, CNAs, Respiratory Therapists, etc who are rushing to the front lines, caring for people, fighting to make sure those who come after them are better prepared for the fight, even if they can't be. For the FB groups of doctors spreading accurate information as quickly as they can. For organizations like University of Washington for putting together detailed protocols of what they're doing for every aspect of care from ER to ICU to OB care. For the hospice teams who are going to be overwhelmed - you are so very needed and appreciated. We may be understaffed, underfunded, underprotected... but we as an entity are functioning in ways that make me proud.
I hope that you can find your way to help in whatever capacity that may be. That you can support those who will struggle. That you will stay safe. I hope you all get to feel the oneness with a team of humans the way I have been able to in this time. The camaraderie of humanity. Its a beautiful thing. We are one people. It's taken a worldwide pandemic to remind us of it, but we are one. Let's make sure we hang on to that.
For now, the standard sign off at this moment: stay at home and wash your hands :) And reach out if you need help. We are one.
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