pre-school.

So today was the first day of school. Not too bad. I'm taking 16 hours this semester and next so that I can attempt to graduate on time and I've been filling out Medical school applications for hours and my eyes hurt and somehow doing that made me sick. Dont ask me how, I dont know. I have to write an essay about why I want to go into medicine. That is the hardest decision I've ever had to make- to choose Med school over children's psych or teaching or anything else I've ever wanted to do. Soooo, now I have to put how I feel into words and to be honest, I'm not sure how I feel- typical me. But I do know that I would be great at this. This one job is meant for me. I mean, I could do anything and be happy... but this job... I'm meant for this job.
So anyways, two days before school started my friend Michelle and I went for a little kayaking adventure. It just happened that we chose the one day in the history of Texas summer's that it got windy, cold, and rainy to go- which wasn't that bad part. The bad/crazy part was that the wind was blowing so hard we were freaking fighting rapids on town lake. It was absolutely hillarious. But by God, wind in our faces and courage in our hearts, we paddled down to Red Bud Isle and then turned back and spit in fear's face! Just kidding- we actually just floated lazily back to where we rented the kayaks, using the paddles to hook our two kayaks together while we dipped our cute little toes into the water and talked about school and the future. Michelle is a great girl and I'm glad I asked her to go. Anyways- since today's classes were so incredibly boring, I will not ruin such a good post with them. Maybe tomorrow with be better- I have Human Sex and Family Violence on the same day :)

oh yeah...

and this one is for Gabster- if she ever looks at this.
Thanks for a great day and a sunburn :)
Gregory is like a resort. The pool is just so beautiful and people go out there just to lay out and sun tan. It's crazy.
PS- i love the bathing suit, so dont fret about it.

fun days...

I had to post about tonight. First, I finished correcting my drapes. They now have a lacey stripe towards the bottom- they line up, are hemmed, and while I did in fact make a few mistakes... I got my sewing machine to work great. Second, went to Conan's Pizza for dinner with Jon, Laura, and Dave- then to the TKE party where I quickly remembered why I don't like frat parties, especially ones where my friend is the president of the frat but he doesnt have time to hang out. So we left and started walking down the drag! We went to this great bar- I think its called Lonestars? Next to the Taos Co-op. Anyways, we played darts (which I apparently am horrible at) and drank a pitcher of Fireman's 4. This appears to be laura's new favorite beer because she always wants it :) Anyways, everyone proceeded to kick my ass at darts- I was the only one to NOT get a bullseye- but we had some damn good fun everytime I hit the blue board or my darts bounced off the board. Laura's didnt just bounce off- they stuck straight up out of the ground. good times. Then we went to that Morroccan place- Kazbah?- and it was freaking awesome. We tried 1/2 of all of their deserts, which were all good, and enjoyed sitting so low to the ground that it was really hard to get up. Also, I love morroccan decor and they are planning on opening a morroccan furniture place above the coffee shop/hookah bar. So we looked at the hookah's and I decided to try it- but since Dave had one at the apartment- we walked back there! The hookah was... not what i was expecting but fun and worth the experience. Other than feeling like if I ran, I would hyperventilate, I didnt get anything out of it- but still.
So anyways- I have detailed this night because I dont want to forget it- so if you dont like it, I dont care because its for ME! ;)
AND Rugger was a good boy when I got home. It just doesnt get any better. Well, we could have gone swimming and I could have had an enjoyable date to go with us. But other than that- no better.
I can't believe school starts on Wed. I'm a senior. IN COLLEGE. I'll be in Med school (if i get my stuff together!) in a year. ONE YEAR.
Enough. Enjoy your days everyone!

the few and far between

So most of this summer there have been a few special people who have graced me with their presence. No joke- on the days when we couldn't hang out, I really just didn't know what to do. They filled my summer with fun times at the dog parks and took care of Rugger when I really needed them to. It's great to have people who love you and your dog and are more than willing to spend time with you... or in some cases, your dog. They are truly the best and I'm sorry to say, pictures of them on my blog are also few and far between. So here's my dedication page to the great Jon and Laura who's lives have intermingled with mine to a point of indescrimination.


Thank you, my time-share dog owners... I owe you guys.

friends.

I am such a lucky person. I haven't found the one person I love and I'm not quite what I want to be yet... but I am surrounded by people that truly care about me. I'm out of that stage where I'm surrounded by losers and people who just drain my soul. I've finally found people that I can really share myself with and express my true humor and feelings with, even though I usually dont on the feeling side of that comment. Gabby is one of the best people I know and to top it off, she's so damn beautiful. Darrell, even though sometimes I just want to strangle him :), is a great guy and a great friend and is still a great roommate. Every time I go back to Dallas, Katie welcomes me with conversations that seem like I never left. Shane does things for me that no one else would- like spending a ridiculous amount of money on fixing my car up for me because he's proud of me. The only thing missing from my life is my dad. I mean- I know he's like-looking down on me- or however you want to refer to the idea that he's still with me. But it's just not nor ever will it be the same as having that amazing person there to support me. I know he'd be proud, but I can't help but hate it when I forget how he smelled or his mannerisms. It's tough. Going on 4 years this coming January.

Anyways, today Gabby came over and I made baked potato gnocci with ricotta and spinach. For desert they had brownies... it all turned out good- but we have lots of wine left over so if anyone reads this and wants to come over... tomorrow is baked ziti night. We're trying to finish off the wine :)

wow.

So I took my real MCAT on saturday- I get the results in 60 days... I'm not sure how I did, but I'm not feeling very confident as of now so I guess we'll see.

I did however have some positive things occur- I was able to see my god-daughter, hang out with some old friends, and spend time with my mom up at her school. Second graders are... loud.
So here are some pics of my time well spent.




She's supposed to get her traech out soon- she has to be able to sleep through the entire night without extra oxygen before they'll remove it. She's down to almost room air and hopefully in a few months she will be going in to get it removed- ideally. You just have to love that little girl- even when she's cranky and tired she's still cute as a button! I think Katie gets mad because I come over to see the baby and I dont spend time with her :) But she's just so damn cute! How could I not?? I mean really, a kid that already knows gross anatomy?? nose, ears, eyes, her grill... thats right everyone- she knows that her teeth are her grill. interesting to say the least.

Anyways- have a great day all.

MCAT scores...

So I took my fourth practice MCAT and guess what... I made a 26. I'm actually very happy with that considering I havent been studying because I'm a huge procrastinator. Sooo- now I'm super motivated and I'm planning on really getting down to it and studying as much as I can over the next two weeks- I take my real one on the 19... Med school... here I come.

I just cant believe it. I'm really excited.

ambivalence.

So. I'm having trouble pinning down my future. Medical school now? Medical school later and EMT service now? Social service? Psychology? What is it that I realllly want to do? I just dont know anymore.
I feel like- I can do anything. But I cant. If i'm not willing to work for it- then I can't do it. It's just another excuse I feel like. Another chance for me to procrastinate.

I just dont know what I'm doing.

results.

So, I finally broke the ice with mom and had a long discussion about why I thought her boyfriend was a bad match with her. She listened, was open, and in the end expressed that she was having reservations about their relationship. She gave me a few examples of why she knew it wouldn't work. An example that included her speaking with one of my dad's friend on the cell phone- Allan- who is calm, tranquil, and gentle. She said that the difference between the two men was extreme. Allan was there, talking quietly, asking her about how her life was panning out and in the back ground is her new boyfriend- yelling into the phone, causing a scene. She said right then and there she knew he would only bring drama and upheaval into her life.
So she called me last night at 11:30pm and she had broken up with him. She did it. Talk about immediate results. I guess her own reservations were stronger than I thought they were. It appears that none of mom's friends ever told her about their fears and so she just kept her reservations to herself. Another reason why communication is vital.

On a less than happy note, Bekah- my supposed to be future roommate calls me today and says- guess what? I just signed a lease. I'm like ummm what?
First, we're supposed to move into a 2 bedroom but it wasnt that pretty- this one I understand. Then we find a better two bedroom, but she's decided to move to a different school in december and there's no way I could afford that place on my own. So I finally decide to go find a one/one and if it has a study/loft that would be perfect b/c she could stay there. So I find one in west campus that's perfect. Now, 11 days before we're supposed to move in- "guess what! I signed a lease with someone else! yay!".
I swear- I dont know where I find these people. They like, hunt me down and screw me over. I'm just glad I noticed the pattern and picked a place that I could afford on my own- and now Darrell is going to live with me- so not only do I have a reliable person, but a great friend. Thank god for Darrell!





You know, I really miss the good old days though. I miss having Austin as a good friend, someone close to me, someone who spends time with me. I miss having Austin as a friend. Its too bad you know-finding someone that you really like- someone you really feel you can be great friends with- but when you move out, the friendship just slowly unravels- which is hearbraking because of how close you had been. I mean, when you have a friend that you spend every day with for a year- thats hard to loose. It's too bad really- because I know we're still friends, and we'll hang out, but it will never quite be the same. Too bad.

Back already

So four days is not enough time in a foreign country... especially one you love.
Cancun was wonderful- except for mom's new boyfriend of course- and while I'd love to vent all about how obnoxious, domineering, idiotic, and low class he is- I believe the stories I now have in my possession about this particular person are too long to detail here. Let's just say- my mom is not thinking straight.
So- Cancun was great. Mom and I went diving at Eden's Rock and some unnamed drift dive- 50 feet was our max depth, perfect visibility, and the fish are still beautiful. Unfortunately the coral is damaged from last hurricane season and the aftermath is clearly visible. There are yards and yards of broken coral littering the floor of the ocean. We're just lucky there's anything left. I hear Cozumel didn't make out so well though- which is sad since it was my first open water dive- Santa Rosa reef when I was 12! Get out your calculators ladies and gents, I've been a diver for 9 years now. Holy crap. The only other comparable experience I've had is Liz's friendship (and Ken- 13 years) and Shane's friendship (7 years). Its crazy to think I've been doing anything for more than a decade. Time is flying and I truly can't believe we are not so much "young" as we are "adults" now. Please god, keep me from getting old at heart.
So anyways- other than diving, I played an awesome half day volleyball game with some crazy people at the hotel I stayed at, walked through Playa del Carmen for another day, Cancun another... Unfortunately my ultimate goal, to go to Tulum and see the ruins, was never accomplished due to my short stay and a few deterrents in our itinerary. I'm truly upset about that- but maybe next time. In Playa we went to Carlos and Charlies and Sr. Frogs (not really my type of place... but interesting I guess) and I watched 3 old ladies get drunk and dance with 18 yr olds... they almost got onto the bar- but some part of their teacher brains snapped back into place- thank god. I don't think I could have handled much more of drunken elementary school teachers gone wild. Flight there and back was great- met some awesome people- from San Fran, from Wisconsin, someone who got married in Playa del Carmen... good people. It's nice to see that there are actually some honest people still out there. Lots of young married couples. Am I really entering the part of life where everyone around you starts getting married and having kids? I mean, being single is great, as is being in a good relationship, but jeez- getting married? I'm going to end up being an old hag, sitting on my front porch with a shot gun, yelling at little kids to get off my grass as I stand up and cock the barrel.
Tonight was great- I went out with Jon and Laura to Doc's on South Congress- great place, great beer, good prices... it was nice. Then home to watch Eurotrip- they swear its the best movie ever... I thought it was ok... but not as good as super troopers or the sweetest thing. You just cant beat them.
Alrighty- time to get back to real life. If I dont start working on my MCAT stuff- I'm not going to improve my score. Oh my.

cancun baby.

So i leave for cancun tomorrow morning, 9:30 am. Its going to be fun- I'm planning on taking a side trip down to Tulum to go see the mayan ruins that lie so close to the edge of the ocean, up a thousand steps. I honestly can't wait.

So my compressor quit working and now I have no A/C- and Texas heat sucks with no A/C. I've been handling it well- but then again, it's still partly cloudy and cooler than normal. God help me when it gets into the hundreds.

If anybody wants a postcard- you better tell me now. I leave in the morning.



I've posted a few pics of July 4th also... notice how we're NOT watching the fireworks :(

let down...

So the fourth of July...
everyone was happy to just stay in. I mean, it was raining. It was nasty outside. And it probably wouldn't have been worth it to most of the group... but there's something about fireworks.
My soul is so restless right now- I know, that sounds retarded- I sound like I'm crazy- but seriously... I'm restless on a very deep level. And fireworks always seem to... whisk you away and take you to this wonderful place where all sounds have been drownd out by an amazingly loud but beautiful sound. The colors and the explosions and the smell of smoke... like I said, there's just something about fireworks. I really... I really wish I could have seen some fireworks tonight.
I had a blast though with everyone. I really love my friends. There must be something wrong with me.

Pics of my fun time...

So on Wednesday I went with Jason, Jonathan, and Laura out to the lake with that dog that I love so much and then out to eat... then out to Lauren's 21st bday...


Happy July 4th all... I'll have more pics later...

remembering...

I just remembered something I brought up last night and Bruce pointed out... let me start differently.
Last night I reminded Bruce of when we went windsurfing in Texas City with our Uncle Tom. It was awesome- I had a hard time but got the sail up and went about- 10 feet- before falling into the water. Bruce however picked it up instantly and ended up sailing about a half mile off shore before dropping the sail and getting stuck. He didnt really know how to turn around and come back so there he was- 1/2 mile out from shore- waving his arms around and probably yelling but we couldn't hear it. So uncle Tom starts swimming out to him- it literally took him about 10 minutes to swim out to him! And then he got the sail up and had Bruce lay on the back of the board while he sailed it in.
Anyways- the point is- Bruce looks and me and says "if you hadn't mentioned that story, I would never have thought of it for the rest of my life, and that was such a great day".
And I started thinking of all the memories that I'll never be able to remember- about a multitude of things- but especially my dad.
When you think of it that way- in that finite and terminal way... it's why alzheimers is such a scary disease. You lose parts of your life!!
I know this is all just part of life- but still. Does this bother anyone else???

eat drink and be merry.

I went out with my cousin Bruce last night... and like always, we started having deep conversations about everything from religion to science... we talked about my dad and his mom... it's weird- we're family but he's also like one of those friends where even if you haven't seen them in months, when you do it's like you've never been apart. Neat to have such a friend in a cousin.


The night before that Laura and I went to the dog and duck pub... really neat place actually. I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Anyways... I have an MCAT on saturday... Hopefully I'll do better on this one. Wish me luck!

restlessness

Today, I experienced the worst restlessness I have ever felt. If I have did not have my mcat class and rent, today would have been the day I packed up myself and rugger and moved to a different city.
All I wanted to do today was to travel. I almost didn't care where it was or who went with me... I just wanted out.
I dont like this feeling and I honestly hope that it doesnt come forth again any time soon.
I really need to get out more.
Maybe this was brought on by the dykes kids. Maybe it's yall's traveling butts that make me feel as if I'm standing in one spot.
just call me kermit (i'm greeeeen with envy.)

family.

oh and here's one of my god-daughter. Just so that you can be jealous of the cuteness.
She really is adorable. And to think, I thought she was weird looking when she was born. And now she's beautiful. (I bought the shirt... can you tell?)

I figured out how to add pictures!!!!

It's been raining lately. It feels odd when it rains and it's over 95 degrees. Somehow it's not quite as refreshing as cold rain. I never feel clean after warm rain. I always have flashbacks to Captain Planet (he's our hero) and the acid rain they used to protect the planet from. Where's Captain Planet when you really need him??


Today I found out that the Greenbelt is dry. That's right everybody- BONE dry. Not even at the place PAST where we went last time. I hope Germany has more water than the greenbelt.


I also realized that I did not include Cambodia in my list of places I wish to someday visit. Just thought I'd throw that in there.

*Steph- I love this pic of you :)

I'm re-volunteering in the Children's Hospital of Austin- I'm back in the ER and I love it. Friday was my first time back and it was the most gruesome and awesome thing that I have seen in a very long time. It was great- let me explain. Patient: 9 yr old. very brave. connective tissue disorder (think stretchy, bendy joints and skin that can strecth in amazing ways).
Pt fell off of a bunk bed and got their leg caught in between the rungs- and thanks to their tissue disorder the skin... well it just kinda came off of their leg. IT WAS AWESOME. They didnt even cry! I was really impressed- and it was awesome to watch. Three hours of stitches with a really handsome doctor. It was great.

Now look at this awesome dog. What could I possibly want to do more than stay at the lake with this handsome fellow? And I have to admit, the lake isn't too bad this time of year. I actually have a little bit of a tan! That's right people. I'm not such a whitey (take that ken.)

Anyways, Liz & Steph- come back already. I miss you guys.n Oh and Kenny, the real world called. They'd like you to join them sometime this decade.